I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
