So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
