4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize
