By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
