Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
