my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
