I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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