I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize