I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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