Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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