did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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