i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
