i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
