Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
