he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Shame - the story of my life.
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