All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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