Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
