I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Let's paint friendship bongs
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
