"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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