Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
