there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
