i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
