Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
