does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
