Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
