So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize