i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
