so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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