The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
