btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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