If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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