My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
