I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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