Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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