Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
