I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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