dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
