apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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