My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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