I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
