It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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