It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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