He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
