The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
