Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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