Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
