My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
