I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
