If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize