he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
