A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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