ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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