U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So squirting runs in the family.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
