Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize