she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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