Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
