Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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