im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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