it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
