She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
