Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
