Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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