guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
