What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
