ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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