:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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