Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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