be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
