i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
