I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
