Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
