I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The Olympian is in my bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
