she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
