Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
