I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
