I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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