I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Enjoy the penises
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize