Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
