I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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