Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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